Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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