After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
