remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
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Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
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I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off