note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?