Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love