Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.