In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.