dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
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one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.