The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
