so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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