so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just high enough for therapy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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