just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
