Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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