Already got asked if we're dating
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
