did you get engaged???
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.