The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.