Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.