Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.