I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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