Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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