there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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