Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
