We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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