so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner