If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick