My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
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i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
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Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab