Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.