He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."