I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.