Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
