She's JV to your varsity
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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