I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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