Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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