I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
