Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
