I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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