Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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