So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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