Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
