I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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