Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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