Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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