One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
