White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
