my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
