A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
