drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
