four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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