Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Acid is not a monday night drug
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
