Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
