I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
