What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
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We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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