I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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