New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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