I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
