I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
