I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
