bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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