this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
