I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
