why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
