Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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