allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
