Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
