Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize